“If I don’t become a Christian, can we still be friends?”
Last month, I finished a book called, “The Unlikely Disciple: A sinner’s semester at America’s holiest University” by Kevin Roose. Kevin was a freshman at Brown University who transferred to Liberty University for a semester to “observe evangelical Christians.” It was a fascinating read.
Also last month, I had a great conversation with Jim Henderson and the Buckhead Church leadership team. http://blog.buckheadchurch.org/2010/06/29/a-conversation-that-bothered-me/ Jim used a phrase that immediately stuck with me, especially after reading Kevin’s book. Jim said that what Christians need to become better at is “non-manipulative intentionality.” I love this phrase.
What Jim meant, I believe, could be summed up in how we would answer this question if asked by a friend: “If I don’t become a Christian, can we still be friends?”
To some degree, I think Christians, me included, have loved our doctrine more than we have loved people. Non-manipulative intentionality requires us to love people, and not think of them or ourselves as failures if they don’t become Christians.
It doesn’t mean we stop praying. It doesn’t mean we water down our beliefs.
It does mean we love them by intentionally being their friend, first and foremost.
How have you answered a question like this with your friends who aren’t Christians? And how can we become better at non-manipulative intentionality?
Jeff
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jul 9, 2010by Buckhead Church
July 10, 2010 at 10:37 am
I think this is a great topic. A lot of Christians approach people with the mentality, “It’s our way, or the highway.” I don’t think Jesus would have performed as many miracles if that was one of his requirements.
It also relates to free will.
If Jesus “forced” us to become Christians, what would be the point of living life? We would all be puppets, doing as we are told, and free will would be thrown out the window.
We can’t make people do what we want, but like you said, we can continue to pray and hope they will make good decisions.
July 11, 2010 at 3:16 am
[...] filling in for him at his blog for the next few days and I must say, her first post is pretty deep.If I Don’t Become A Christian, Can We Still Be Friends?Thoughts on Revival from my good friend John. [...]
July 15, 2010 at 4:07 pm
I have been very close to many “impossible-to-manipulate” people who thumb their noses at Jesus and his followers. They do not think they need saving and so there is no need for a savior. Period. I have tried (and succeeded) to love them like Jesus would love them and simply be a witness through my lifestyle – or so I thought. The reason I say that is because they never really took any opportunity to reevaluate their life or their beliefs. I’m not saying that as followers we must push them to do that – but at the same time, Peter writes.. “A stone that causes men to stumble
and a rock that makes them fall.” The important point is that we are not to make them stumble – but at the same time introduce them to the Rock and not apologize if they either stumble or fall. Bottom line: befriend them but don’t deceive them into thinking that everything will be ok with the status quo.
August 31, 2010 at 3:48 pm
Reading over this article and the comments, I find myself asking why this is an issue. I don’t mean that in a ticked off way asking “why are we still hung up on this.”
I mean, what is the source of the problem. I don’t think any Christian would come out and say, nor think, that it’s appropriate to end a friendship just because the other person isn’t willing to convert. I think most would agree that Jesus died for the lost, so we can at least go on a few Starbucks runs with them and show them some friendship.
So, my question remains, and the question I put to anyone reading this comment, is if we are theologically ok with loving sinners and those who need Jesus, what causes friendships to end when someone refuses to convert?
Is it that we are fine being friends with non-Christians, but find ourselves so absorbed with Christian culture that we don’t have enough in common with non-Christian friends and the relationship starves?
Are Christians in need of better ways to encourage people to come to church without annoying them and making it appear that’s all we want from them?
Are we so worried about being led into temptation that we are afraid to get into the messy world of those who aren’t Christians? (naturally, this excludes recovering alcoholics befriending enthusiastic practitioners of drinking, or other times when a person really could be pulled into sin, but assuming the friend’s vices are some you don’t struggle with….)
I, personally, have no real idea what might cause this, but am more interested in getting your ideas. What do you think is the cause of so many friendships ending when it becomes clear one party won’t become a Christian?